


Rocky New Year's Eve

by madlaw



Series: The Holidays 2015 [3]
Category: Person of Interest (TV)
Genre: Bear's a good tracker, Exasperated Root, F/F, Light Angst, New Year's Eve, Shaw chases Root
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-04
Updated: 2017-01-04
Packaged: 2018-09-14 15:35:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9189623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madlaw/pseuds/madlaw
Summary: “I thought you came looking for me because you wanted to see me.  I know you don’t care about the holiday, but I thought...well never mind Sam.  I really wouldn’t have come here otherwise.”  By this time Root’s dressed and heads for the door.  “Enjoy the champagne Sameen.  I’ll see you when I see you.”  Root gives her a genuine smile as she pulls the door closed behind her although her heart hurts and she’d like nothing better than to stay.





	

**Author's Note:**

> It's New Year's Eve. Root wants to spend it with Shaw. Shaw doesn't care about the holiday although she'd like to see Root anyway. But it's Shaw, and even accepting what's offered isn't easy.

Shaw’s phone has been ringing off and on since 7pm.  She knows its Root because she checked with the boys and no one else is trying to reach her.  She told them to text her if something comes up. 

It’s New Year’s Eve and no doubt Root is looking to 'celebrate.'  But this time Shaw is not going to be dragged against her will into some ridiculous exercise in merriment.  She has her scotch and a kung fu marathon.  Her idea of a celebration.

But her phone is driving her crazy.  Root knows she can’t turn it off in case there’s a real emergency.  This time she hears the tone for a voicemail.  _I am not going to listen to it.  No way._ She pours herself a drink and starts the first movie.

But she can’t concentrate and she’s looking towards the phone every few minutes.  At least it stopped ringing.  _I’ll just erase the message._ But when she picks up the phone she hits the voicemail icon instead.  _Just in case she needs help with a relevant number or something._

“Sameen, I know you’re ignoring me.  I’m not showing up at your apartment, so don’t worry.  This time it’s your choice.  I want to bring in the New Year with my favorite person…you.  I’ll be at our place if you want to join.  If not, Happy New Year Sameen.”

‘Our place’ is a bar on the shadow map Shaw discovered.  It’s actually called the Rail.  She used to go there for some peace and quiet until Root figured it out.  She still goes occasionally, but Root always shows up if she’s in town.  Although she’ll never admit it, sometimes Shaw goes hoping Root will show up.  _Only to make sure she’s okay, since she’s vital in the fight against Samaritan_.  Not because she cares.

She’s shocked Root is actually going to respect her boundaries this time.  She was fully expecting to hear her lock being picked and Root walking in with a bottle of champagne and a boatload of innuendo.  _Good.  Now I can watch my movies in peace._

She finishes the second movie although if pressed she can’t say which one.  It’s been a couple of hours and Root has kept her word.  She hasn’t shown up and she hasn’t called again.  Shaw finds herself wondering if Root’s waiting for her or if she found someone else to celebrate with her.

The last thought prompts her to call Root’s phone.  She just wants to make sure she’s keeping a low profile during her celebration.  It’d be ironic if Samaritan found her because Root loves holidays.  The call goes to voicemail.  _She’ll call back when she sees it’s me._  

But 30 minutes later Root still hasn’t called.  So Shaw sends her a text.  She pours herself another drink but Root never replies.  Now Shaw’s pissed.  _What if I was in danger or needed backup?!  I’m going to give her a piece of my mind!_   Shaw grabs her jacket and heads out the door.

Ten minutes later she’s in front of the bar.  The place is packed and the noise is deafening.  It’s hard to see through the smoke, but Shaw spots Root immediately.  It’s like radar.  If Root’s in the vicinity Shaw finds her without trying.  It’s annoying but it’s not like Shaw can stop it.

Root’s shooting pool in the back.  A couple of guys and a tall redhead are cheering her on.  The guy she’s playing with is smiling from ear to ear even though Root is clearing the table.  She sinks the eight ball and the small group erupts with cheers.

Root laughs and gives one of her genuine smiles.  She’s clearly having a good time.  The redhead pulls her in for a quick kiss and they head to the bar for drinks    

 _Well it’s not like I expected her to be crying into her beer, moping at my absence.  But it looks like she didn’t really need (want?) me after all._ There’s no way Shaw’s going to interrupt now.  She kicks herself for coming here in the first place.  She storms out of the bar and back to her apartment.

 

* * *

 

Root sees Shaw the minute she walks into the bar, even before the Machine alerts her to Shaw’s arrival.  She too has innate radar.  Her heart starts pounding and she can’t help the smile that bursts onto her face.  But before she can wave Meghan pulls her in for a congratulatory kiss. 

It’s her boyfriend Root just slaughtered at the table.  They had a bet that if he lost he has to go to her mother’s for New Year’s Day brunch and Meghan is ecstatic Root won the bet for her.  They sweep her with them towards the bar, but Root politely begs off.  When she turns around Shaw’s gone.

 

* * *

 

Shaw slams her door shut and pours herself a shot, which she pounds back violently.  She doesn’t even know why she’s upset.  She’s been telling Root to respect her boundaries for months.  But this is the first time Root listened. 

But it’s what she wants.  So why is there a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach?  It must be anger.  She’s angry Root couldn’t be bothered to check if Shaw needed help.  Yeah that’s it.  It’s not cool to let down your partner.  Only, Shaw’s been telling her for months they’re not partners or friends or anything else.

Shaw slams down another shot and decides to take a shower to cleanse the smell of smoke from the bar.  She sets the water to scalding and lets it beat on her muscles.  If Root were here she’d be massaging Shaw’s neck and pressing up against her…

 _Why am I even thinking about her?!  It’s just sex.  No strings, no obligations, no commitments._ Just the way Shaw likes it.  Not that Root’s ever pushed for any of it.  But she’s always lavishing Shaw with attention and innuendos and…food.  Shaw pretty much takes if for granted and in retrospect she knows she doesn’t really show appreciation for any of it. 

The shower helps restore some of Shaw’s equilibrium and she towels off pensively.  Maybe she can at least say thank you to Root every once in awhile.  It’ll have to wait for next year though, because Shaw’s still not going back to that bar.

She comes out naked to find Root sitting on her couch, a bottle of champagne on the coffee table.  Root smiles at her lasciviously.  Shaw’s naked.  “I thought you weren’t going to come over?  Or pick my lock?”  Root smiles smugly.  “That was before you came to find me at the bar.  But you left without even saying hello.  How come sweetie?”

Shaw rolls her eyes and scowls.  “I came to my senses.”  Rout pouts.  “Be nice Sameen.  I brought us a bottle of champagne so we can bring in the New Year and since you’re already naked, it seems we’re all set.  Oh wait, there’s one thing missing.”

Root stands up and strips casually.  “Mmmm…that’s better.”  Shaw subconsciously bites her lower lip.  Root smiles knowingly.  “My eyes are up here Sameen.”  Shaw jerks her head up.  She’d been raking Root’s body, her thoughts plain on her face.

“I only went to the bar because I was angry.  You didn’t answer my call or return my text.  What if I needed help?  Nice to know I can’t count on you.”  Root walks closer and pulls Shaw into her body.  Shaw lets her but keeps her hands by her sides. 

“If you’re in the slightest bit of danger the Machine will tell me long before you have a chance to call me Sam.  I was going to call you back from somewhere quieter as soon as I finished the game.  So why did you call?”

‘I just wanted to make sure you were keeping a low profile while celebrating.  So you didn’t blow our covers or something.”

“So why’d you come to the bar?”

“Same reason.”  Root smiles sadly and begins to get dressed.  Shaw gives her a confused look.  “What are you doing?”

“I thought you came looking for me because you wanted to see me.  I know you don’t care about the holiday, but I thought...well never mind Sam.  I really wouldn’t have come here otherwise.”  By this time Root’s dressed and heads for the door.  “Enjoy the champagne Sameen.  I’ll see you when I see you.”  Root gives her a genuine smile as she pulls the door closed behind her although her heart hurts and she’d like nothing better than to stay.

The last phrase is one Shaw’s left her with many a time.  Shaw didn’t realize it could be so…hard (painful?) to hear.  She feels a pressure start in her chest the minute the door closes behind Root.  _I’m not running after her.  It’s better this way._

Shaw takes a deep breath.  She stares at the champagne bottle sitting on the table.  A minute ago she was going to have sex.  She could get laid anywhere she knows, but she’s been fucking Root exclusively for awhile and she doesn’t want someone else.  Only because Root really knows how to push her buttons in bed.  Not because she cares.

She gets dressed slowly.  She picks up her phone and stares at it.  Usually this push/pull thing with Root is fun, but today it just feels bad and actually pretty stupid.  She wants to be with Root and Root wants to be with her.  So why fight it?  Shaw sighs and dials Root.

 

* * *

 

Root’s phone starts ringing as she walks around the city.  It’s a clear night, but it’s freezing out.  She can't feel her nose and she knows if she looked in a mirror she'd see her cheeks bright red. She can hear people shouting and laughing as she passes bars and restaurants.  She knows its Shaw without looking because she assigned her a custom ring tone.  Actually it’s a song.  Satisfaction by the Beetles.  Sums up her relationship with Shaw to a t.  If it can be called a relationship.

She hesitates before answering.  She’s not sure she can bear anymore disappointment tonight.  Shaw’s probably calling to tell her something like ‘You left your champagne. I'll leave it outside’ or something equally painful.  Tears trickle down her face slowly and she sends the call to voicemail.

She stops at the next camera and asks the Machine where she should stay for the night.  She doesn’t have her own place. It would draw too much attention with all her cover identities.  Someone would be bound to notice eventually.  When she’s in town she stays at the subway usually, but she doesn’t want to see anyone and Harold’s probably there.

 

* * *

 

Shaw knows Root’s ignoring her.  She fucked up.  Not like it hasn’t happened before but this time she thinks she hurt Root.  She counts on Root to know what Shaw really means when she says no or go away or rolls her eyes with hostility.  But it occurs to her for the first time Root has no one but the Machine.

Finch and Reese don’t trust her really and they certainly don’t ever bother to check to see how she’s doing.  They only reach out to her when they need help or when Root shows up with a message or a mission from the Machine.  Shaw’s not much better.  She pushes Root away constantly and only allows her to stay when Shaw feels like it.

Root’s not like Shaw.  She feels things.  Deeply.  Shaw knows it even though she doesn’t understand it.  She also knows Root feels most deeply for her. It occurs to her Root must feel lonely, especially because the Machine can't talk to her like She used to.  Yet she never pushes, never asks for what she knows Shaw can’t or won’t give, and never makes her feel defective.  But for the first time Shaw wonders what the cost to Root must be.

 _Fuck!_   Shaw grabs the champagne and locks the door behind her.  She stops at the first camera she sees.  “Tell me where to find her.”  The red light blinks twice so Shaw knows the Machine is watching, but she doesn’t receive a text and the phone doesn’t ring.  “Look, I know I fucked up but I can’t fix it if you don’t tell me where I can find her.”

Shaw’s phone notifies her of a text.  ‘Probability asset Shaw will hurt Interface 92.76%.  Risk unacceptable.’  Shaw takes a deep breath and stares down at her feet before looking up again.  “Shouldn’t she get to decide that?”

Again another text.  ‘Interface sent asset Shaw’s call to voicemail.’  Shaw waits but apparently the Machine’s done.  No need to state the obvious and Shaw knows anyway.  Root ignored her call because she’s also afraid Shaw will hurt her again.

Shaw could send a text but Root deserves more than an impersonal text message.  _Fine.  I was an operative for years.  I can find her myself._   Shaw sits on the curb to think.  Where might Root go?

There are too many places to check and she wants to find Root before midnight.  She calls Finch.  “Hello Ms. Shaw, I hope you’re enjoying your time off.”  Shaw groans.  She doesn’t have time for pleasantries on a good day and today is not a good day.  “Finch I need you to bring Bear to my apartment.  It’s an emergency.”

“What type of emergency requires Bear Ms. Shaw?”  Shaw hits the phone against her head.  “The kind where I need to find someone urgently.  Really Finch, when you call with a number I don’t ask you 20 questions.  I just go.  So just bring him!”  Shaw hangs up before Finch says anything else.

It takes 20 minutes but Shaw finally sees Finch walking towards her with Bear.  She rushes over and snatches the leash.  “About time Finch.  Come on Bear.”  She walks far enough away she’s sure Finch can’t hear her.  “We need to find Root buddy.  Fast.” 

Finch looks after them hoping the next call isn’t to inform him Shaw and Root have shot each other.  He knows that’s the only person Shaw would look for besides a number.  He also knows Root’s the only person that can make Ms. Shaw feel something other than anger.     

Bear looks up at Shaw knowingly.  “Okay, okay, scold me later.”  Bear puts his nose to the ground and takes off sniffing down the sidewalk.  Shaw follows and it seems like they walk the entire city.  It’s almost midnight and Shaw begins to doubt they’ll find Root at all, much less before the clock strikes 12.

Bear pulls her towards a park.  “Come on Bear, we don’t have time to play right now.  I need to find Root.”  Bear sits and looks up at her.  “What?”

Shaw looks around and spots Root sitting on a swing.  “Oh.  Thanks buddy.  I’ll give you some treats when we get back to my apartment.  Wish me luck.” 

Shaw straightens up and takes a deep breath.  Root’s swinging slowly and staring down at the sand.  Shaw walks over and sits on the swing next to her.  “Hey…”  Root looks over at her and gives a small smile.  “Hi Sam.  What are you doing here?”

“I was in the neighborhood…”  Root huffs and rolls her eyes.  She gets up and starts walking away.  Shaw catches up and pulls her hand until Root turns around and looks at her.  “I was in the neighborhood because I was looking for you.”  Root looks at her seriously although not unkindly.  “Sorry Sam.  I’m not really in the mood.”

Shaw just stares at her confusedly until the light bulb goes off.  “I didn’t trek all the way across town for sex Root.”  She almost starts to say she could’ve found someone for sex in her own building quite easily but catches herself in time.  “So why did you?”

Root always knows how to get to the heart of the matter.  “Look I know I was a jerk before.  But you know what I meant to say.”  Root sighs.  “No Sam.  I really don’t.  In fact if you’d just kissed me and said nothing that would’ve been fine.  I wasn’t looking for some declaration of how much you wanted my company.  I never do.”

Root looks like she’s going to say more, but changes her mind.  If Shaw wants to fix this she’s going to have to do it on her own.  “I’m not good at this Root.”  Root just waits.  She’s numb inside and out.  Even she has limits to what she can take.  Shaw can tell she’s been crying and she feels something she can’t identify but it’s not a good feeling. 

“I went to the bar to see you.  I saw you having fun and you smiled at that woman and then she kissed you and it felt…weird.  Like I shouldn’t be there.  It made me angry so I left.”  Root nods her head.  “Okay.  Thanks for explaining.”  She pulls away from Shaw and bends down to pet Bear.  "Happy New Year Bear.  I’ll see you soon.”  She walks away and Shaw feels her anger getting the best of her.

“That’s it?!  Thanks for explaining?!”  Root turns around and Shaw has never seen her so furious.  Ever.  “What do you want Sameen?  I should jump up and down because you deigned to explain yourself?  I already knew that, I didn’t need your explanation.  So you just wasted half your night.”

Root walks away resolutely and Shaw just looks at Bear.  “Well I tried.  This is why I don’t bother.  I’m no good at this feelings crap.”  Bear barks at her and walks off in the direction Root took.  Great.  Now even the dog is mad at her.

Shaw hits the sidewalk and sees Root down the block, Bear at her side.  Shaw catches up, which actually causes her to lose her breath.  Root’s trying to break some kind of speed walking record and her longer strides mean Shaw actually has to semi-jog in the freezing weather.

“Root.  Please.  Stop.”  Root stops and Shaw takes a second to catch her breath.  “I don’t know why I find it hard to just tell you what I want.  I wanted you to break into my apartment tonight so I could pretend I was humoring you.”  Root rolls her eyes for the second time tonight, which is actually a record for her.  Usually Shaw does the eye rolling (continuously).  But it’s not followed by a smile or any type of indication she’s going to let Shaw off the hook.

Shaw’s tempted to just walk away and forget it, but it feels wrong…in her gut.  Shaw prides herself on listening to her gut.  It never steers her wrong.  She makes an effort to let what she feels show on her face.  “Root, I’m sorry.  I wanted to see you tonight.  I wanted to have champagne with you.  I wanted to wake up with you tomorrow morning too.”

Root sighs and Shaw thinks maybe she’s getting through to her.  “So why not just answer the phone Sameen?  Or even send me a text?  You just had to let me know it was okay to come over.  ‘I’ll only let you in if you bring food’ or ‘Don’t make it a habit’ or one of the other million ways you let me know you want my company without actually having to admit it would’ve sufficed.”

Root knows Shaw’s trying, but she’s just tired.  Tired of always doing the chasing, tired of not having her own needs met, and tired of pretending what’s between her and Shaw is just sex.  “I don’t know Root!  I’ve never done this before.”

“Done what Sam?  You’ve never done what before?”  Root can’t help it, the words just come spitting out of her mouth.  “Have a fuck buddy?  Be indifferent?  Be selfish?”

Shaw knows Root’s hurt and for once it doesn’t make her want to run.  Maybe she’s tired too.

“Actually I’ve done all those things before.  What I haven’t done is care about someone.”

“That’s bullshit Sam.  You care about the numbers, you care about Finch and John and Fusco, and you care about your country.  You love Bear.  Everyone can see it.”

“It’s not the same Root.  That type of caring I taught myself because somewhere in my sociopathic heart, I didn’t want to be a bad person.  So I learned how to act to be a better one.”  Root starts to interrupt but Shaw cuts her off.  “Yes, I feel something, but it’s muted.  Except for Bear, but that’s hardly the same type of caring. 

I’ve never cared about anyone the way I care about you.  It’s loud and messy and confusing.  I thought you understood that…I thought you understood me.”

Root looks into Shaw’s eyes and sees something she’s never seen before.  Fear.  But fear of what?  “I do.  But it’s one thing to not feel the way other people feel Sameen and another to lie to yourself and to me.  That I didn’t sign up for.  You’re honest to a fault.  I…lo…really like that about you.

It’s not a bad thing to not feel like other people.  It makes you real.  Everything is black and white, but you’re in living color.  No artifice, no manipulation, no pretending.  I don’t need you to feel any certain way or to understand what you feel or even to express it.  But, fuck it Sameen, I’d at least like to know you don’t mind my presence!”

Shaw’s exhausted.  Maybe that’s why she doesn’t filter her words or think before speaking.  “Yours is the only presence I don’t ever mind.  Will you please come back to my place?  If we hurry we can make it back before midnight and open this bottle of champagne I’ve been carrying around half the night.”

Root can’t help the tear that runs down her face at Shaw’s words and she laughs.  “Why did you bring it?”  Shaw rolls her eyes but smiles.  “I thought if I found you before midnight we could still open it.  It’s not a requirement to drink from a glass you know.”

Root threads her arm through Shaw’s as they walk back with Bear.  “Why’s Bear with you?”  Shaw looks embarrassed.  “The Machine wouldn’t tell me where you were and I didn’t want to waste time checking every place I could think of, so I had Finch bring Bear so he could track you.”  Root coos at Bear.  “You’re such a good boy…”

“I have no idea why the Machine wouldn’t just tell you though.”  Shaw scowls, but then looks chagrined.  “She said there was an unacceptable risk of my hurting you, which given my track record is probably the world’s greatest understatement.”  Root can’t argue with that.

They make it back to the apartment with a few minutes to spare and Shaw pops the bottle open.  She takes a gulp and passes it to Root.  “Happy New Year Sameen.”  Shaw smiles and shrugs, “Yeah whatever.  I am glad you’re here though.”  Root smiles like Shaw just made an undying declaration of love and Shaw thinks she finally did something right.  It feels good.


End file.
